The Grey Lady, sporting as ever, has called on carnivores the world over to explain “why it’s ethical to eat meat.” The editors have even convened a panel of experts to judge the expected flood of entries, more or less similar in its makeup to the panel the Devil called together to hear Daniel Webster. As my more astute readers will have gathered, the tacit premise of this contest is the existence of a legitimate, universal ethics object upon which the judging will presumably be based. I am far too diffident to elevate my own particular genetically programmed inclinations to such an estate. However, I encourage those readers who consider themselves the gold standard in such matters to have at it. First prize is underwhelming – you get to be named and publicly shamed by the learned panel in the pages of the NYT – but you can at least win a set of knives if you post your entry here.